Uh, so yeah. Bill Hader is married. And you know how I feel about poaching someone else’s man. Maybe I should shift my affections to fellow SNL-er, Will Forte, because he is funny, but far more importantly, his given name is Orville Willis Forte IV.

If we had a baby, it could be Orville Willis Forte V. Even if it’s a girl.

See? I’ve got jokes. We could sit around being funny together. Then he could leave me for a 22 year-old model/actress named Stacey.

[I have yet to meet anyone of worth named "Stacy" so "Stacey" is the ultimate insult. It's a total stripper name, along with Brandy/Brandi, Ashley, Ginger, Tracy, Jessica, Britney/Brittany, Jasmine, Amber, Courtney, Lola, Tia, Summer, Shannon, Alicia/Alisha, Sienna, Nicky
and Vicky.

Boy names I just plain don't like include: Bill, Bob, Herb, Carl, Rick (fat car salesmen), Chet, Chip, Chad, Brad (frat guys who start every sentence with "Bro"), Abraham/Abe, Alvin, Archie, Frank, Lou, Gabe, (lecherous grandfather), Tony, Bobby, Freddy, Willy, Mikey, Barney (plumbers), Cody, Troy, Carter, Clay, Garth (douche bags extraordinaire).]