I’ve decided that I should just have unrequited and cliche crushes on unattainable celebrities like normal people do, I mean, in addition to Jim Jarmusch. My first one is currently Bill Hader:

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No, no, let me guess, People Who’ve Met Bill Hader, he’s an asshole, right? You hate his guts, right? He ripped your kitten’s paw off and ate it, right? Well, I don’t care. All the real guys I’ve had crushes on are the same if not worse. Plus they aren’t as cute as Bill. Or as funny. Or as Vincent Price-y.Please note, I do realize he’s married as well. Again, this does not seem to stop any of the other married/involved men who have approached me.