It was AD 33 and a Sunday, as it would happen, when a true miracle occurred. Jesus, the son of God and the King of Kings, etc., came back to life and emerged from the crypt where he had been buried only three days before. Outside the crypt, he came upon a human sized bunny rabbit crying somberly on a nearby rock. Noticing the rabbit’s tears, Jesus went unto him and said:

“Hello Mr. Rabbit. I am Jesus Christ. Son of God and King of Kings, etc. Why, may I ask, are you crying?”

Sobbing, the rabbit said, “Nice to meet you Mr. Jesus. I’m crying because I was on my way to a party and I lost all of my colorful eggs. I just don’t know what to do!”

“There, there,” said Jesus to the rabbit. “Perhaps I can help you find your eggs and then you can be on your way to the party.”

“Oh! That would be so grand,” said the rabbit. “How lucky I am that you should have come upon me out here in the middle of nowhere when we’re pretty much just surrounded by crypts full of dead people and whatnot.”

Laughing, Jesus said, “Well, well. You are lucky indeed. For lo, I was only moments ago reborn after being pretty brutally crucified on Friday. So it’s some pretty good luck for both of us, because now you can be the first witness to the miracle of my resurrection.”

“Wow, Jesus,” said the rabbit. “That IS miraculous. I’ve never actually heard of people really being reborn like that. I always just thought it was some sort of metaphor. Or is that a simile?”

“No, that’s a metaphor,” said Jesus with a chuckle. “But no, in this case, it’s the God’s-honest-truth, pun intended. I don’t know if you’re aware, but my Father, God, happened to single-handedly create the entire universe almost four thousand years ago. In addition to the many other magical powers imbued to me by Him, I’ve pretty much mastered the art of dying and coming back to life. Honestly, sometimes being flashy is the only way to get my message to stick with these people. ”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me about that Mr. Jesus,” the rabbit said, nodding. “Imagine walking around as a human-sized rabbit. Honestly, I get picked on SO much! Seriously, the level of intolerance is shocking.”

“Worry not, my bunny friend,” said Jesus somberly. “I’m going to do something about all the intolerance. My thought is that if everyone worships me as the one true God, then all the violence and intolerance will become a thing of the past. Then, I shall reward all these good people by bringing them up to Heaven in a little something I like to call ‘The Rapture’. Those who failed to understand my greatness shall, of course, be left behind to burn in a fiery pit of hell-on-Earth for a thousand years.”

“Hmmm. Yeah, I guess that could work,” said the rabbit. “OR, you could just tell people that they should be nice to each other, and instead of worshipping a God, they should just try to understand everyone’s perspective and work together to make the world a better place. Although, I realize that does sorta skip the whole hellfire part.”

“Yeah. I was gonna mention that,” said Jesus. “The hellfire is really my favorite part. It’s kind of the good part of the whole shebang.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty, uh, dramatic,” said the bunny rabbit appraising Jesus with a newfound awkwardness and looking as if maybe he’d like to get away from Him as soon as possible.

“Yes. Thank you. I’m rather fond of it,” said Jesus. “Now, shall we find your eggs?”

“Um. Right. Yes. My eggs,” said the rabbit. “Actually, that’s okay. I think maybe I can just retrace my steps and I’ll probably find them right in plain view.”

“Of course,” said Jesus, the Son of God and King of Kings, etc. “Like when you lose your car keys.”

“Well. Sorta, I suppose,” said the rabbit. “Although I’m a rabbit, so I don’t drive. And also, I don’t think anyone else drives yet since cars have yet to be invented.”

“Of course,” said Jesus in a slightly condescending tone. “I tend to forget that not everyone can magically see into the future like me. But anyway, I digress! I must be on my way so I can tell people of my miraculous rebirth, but before I go, I want to tell you that hereafter, people will call this day Easter. They will celebrate the day in my name! And you, from now on, will forever be known as The Easter Bunny! Your legend will grow as generations upon generations of giddy children help to find the colored eggs that you are herein forever doomed to continue losing.”

“Um. Thanks?” said the Easter Bunny. “That’s real nice of you to make me a buffoon for all time. You’re a real standup guy.”

“Thank you!” said Jesus, oblivious to the rabbit’s tone. “And now, I will leave you, and hope that hell on earth is kind to you and your children’s children since, obviously, only humans shall be able to participate in The Rapture.”

“Right. Of course.” said the Easter Bunny. “I really should have guessed that.”

“Goodbye Easter Bunny!” exclaimed Jesus.

As Jesus skipped away to spread the good news of his highly improbable rebirth, the Easter Bunny shook his head and turned to retrace his steps down the path from which he came.

“Yeah. Goodbye yourself,” muttered the Easter Bunny as he went. “I’m sure none of that will backfire on you.”