//Dreams

Dream Two — This One Has An Eagle! And Ends Horrifically!

“He kind of looks like a purple version of Sam the
Eagle from The Muppets…”

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I’m in a house in the suburbs. No one is there except for my pet eagle, whom I’ve neglected to visit and he’s not been let out of his cage in at least two weeks. The cage is too small and full of poop and he is all bunched up inside. The top of his head has been rubbed bald by the ceiling of the cage. At first, he kind of looks like a purple version of Sam the Eagle from The Muppets, except cute instead of scowly. And he’s so excited that I’m there, you know like how dogs quiver when they are trying to contain their excitement. I feel really guilty about not letting him out for too long so I take him out of his cage. Then, because the cage is so gross, I decide that no, someone had grown so disgusted with the smell that it had been cleaned recently. So now the cage is clean.

As I’m looking at him, I notice there is a strip of transparent tape on his forehead, with maybe two centimeters overlapping onto his eyeballs (he doesn’t have eyelids. They look like a stuffed animal’s - two big white ovals with blue irises and black pupils towards the bottom). So I am freaked out and want to get this tape off of his eyes, and I slowly and carefully begin to peel the tape back (imagine trying to remove a stamp without tearing or damaging it so you can re-use it on another envelope). But even though I’m being as careful as I can, the tape pulls a tiny tear in the side of his eyeball (kind of like if you had a slice of hardboiled egg and tore it a bit). And his eye begins to collapse a little like it is just a flat oval with nothing underneath.

I think, Okay, okay, this is a dream. I changed the cage I can fix his eye. But it doesn’t work. So I think, maybe if I stay calm, it won’t hurt him. Maybe in this dream it’s no big deal if your eyeball gets torn a little. So, I’m holding him cradled in my lap with one arm and with the other hand I am flipping through the Yellow Pages for the phone number of a vet. But as I’m looking I realize that I’m in the suburbs with no car and no public transportation. Even if I could call a cab, I have no money. I also have no carrier in which to transport him. He starts to fidget a little and I flip faster. Then he begins to struggle and I try to hold onto him so I can call the vet. I should have just let him go so I could make the phone call but in my dream I was afraid to, that he would die if I did. So now he is flapping his wings and his wingspan is like five feet across and I can’t hold him but I can’t call for help either. We’re both panicking and I know he’s going to die no matter what I do, but mostly I’m so sorry that he’s suffering so much because of me. Then I wake up.

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[Okay, firstly, the puns in my dream: the bald eagle and the "tear" (drop of water) in the eye; but secondly, the guilt over neglecting something that depends on me (or myself); thirdly, the danger of uncovering one’s eyes and how painful it can be and that what you ultimately see can overwhelm you; fourthly, the panic of trying to keep contained something that is wild and hurt and enormous (emotions); fifthly, inflicting pain on something you love; and lastly, the despair of having your attempts to save something thwarted by the something you’re trying to save.]

[ Topic Dreams, Neuroses, Ridiculosity | No Comments ]

Dream One

“The anxiety dream of the 21st century is no longer taking a test for which you’ve not studied or showing up in your undies. It’s dealing with clueless customer service reps on the phone who endlessly pass you along and put you on hold and accomplish nothing.”

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I wrote this message to my brother this morning:

Try not to be alarmed, but I dreamed you died last night. Or that you had previously died in another dream and this was the sequel. Mom made me handle the funeral details and I didn’t even know where to begin. I looked up places online and called but the two reps I talked to were so unhelpful. I wasn’t upset yet because I couldn’t really understand how you could be dead. I think it was a brain aneurysm or something like that, happens quickly and unexpectedly.

The anxiety dream of the 21st century is no longer taking a test for which you’ve not studied or showing up in your undies. It’s dealing with clueless customer service reps on the phone who endlessly pass you along and put you on hold and accomplish nothing. It was positively Kafka-esque.

Then I looked in the newspaper for funeral info and I was all bewildered and asked mom if she wanted you to be cremated or buried and she said buried but not one of those burials where you can see the person (like under a porch or in a stairwell). Apparently in my dream, there was a danger of that happening. Then she said you’d already taken care of some stuff beforehand, like bought your own coffin the way some people buy cemetery plots “for later use”.

After I woke up all disturbed, I was writing it down and I wrote that Mom said she didn’t want you buried in plain view and that made me realize the significance of “Daniel Plainview” digging for oil.

Sometimes when I’m waiting for the train, in my head I try to imitate Daniel Day-Lewis saying, “Hello. My name is Daniel Plainview, and I’m an oil man. This is my son and partner, H.W..” but I am really imitating Bill Hader’s impersonation of DD-L in that ‘I Drink Your Milkshake’ skit on SNL. After Chris and I [re-]watched No Country for Old Men on Sunday, we started talking with Texan accents.

I really love that movie so much. Mom got it for me for my birthday along with “I Am America (And So Can You!)” [by Stephen Colbert]. I regret buying you the audio book because you are missing out on the stickers and mazes and stuff. But I was thinking about you being into audio books.

I’m pretty sure my dream was about my fear of losing the people I care about most but also about being abandoned and rejected…Usually when I have meaningful dreams about myself I’m an animal like a cat or a bird, or there’s a bird or cat that symbolizes me, but not this time. [Note: the animals are always male.]

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My Dream of Affordable Housing

“I was like, Oh shit! I have to move in right now.”

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Last night I dreamt that my co-worker D. found out the apartment next to his
was available. I went to look at his old place because it’s my unrealized
dream to have my own apartment. It was a studio and the rent was $642 a
month. I thought, well, even if it’s tiny, that’s so cheap!

It was gorgeous. I walked in and even though it was a studio (well, with
another smaller area in the back), the room was the size of my whole
apartment that I currently share. The walls were white and the ceilings
were really high. There was a lot of natural light, which is super important
to me.

I didn’t see D.’s new place, but I imagine it was even bigger because his
rent was $750. I was like, Oh shit! I have to move in right now. I went home and packed a suitcase and figured I would move the rest of my stuff later but I absolutely could not lose out on this apartment.

Later, I either realized that the kitchen was communal and located in the
hallway or there were no kitchens in the apartments. It was not in the
hallway at first and then it was and then it wasn’t. There was also a list
of all the rents posted in the hallway for the five units in the building.
They all ranged between $600-$750. It seemed like maybe D.’s was the best apartment.

You cannot understand how sad I was to wake up and realize it was just a
dream.

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