So as of this writing, the first few gay couples in Los Angeles and San Francisco are counting down the last butterflies-in-the-stomach minutes before they officially tie the knot and start rocking out some marital bliss.
But before the moment of truth, I wanted to go on record with a preemptive ”I told you so” before the sun rises tomorrow and we find ourselves living in a new kind of hell on earth, flush with fire, brimstone, and probably a few folks who have fallen down the slippery slope and opted to marry their house pet instead of a human (thanks for the warning Rick Santorum!).
Of course, if none of that happens tomorrow, then I guess I’ll have some egg on my face. Like if it turns out to be just another day wherein people go to work, bitch about gas prices and the war, then go home with some take-out chinese food to watch a marathon of The Deadliest Catch, then I suppose we’ll all look pretty stupid for complaining so much about gay marriage.
But really, come on. Let’s be realistic. It’s obviously gonna be the fire and brimstone option I’m sure. We’re totally overdue for some of that stuff. Seriously. How could it not end in a hell on earth with all the damnation and the whatnot?
So while Richard Dawkins has done an excellent and admirable job of deflecting the oft-cited argument that Albert Einstein was a religious man, it seems we’re now fortunate enough to hear from the man himself more clearly than ever. In news straight from The Guardian UK, it seems a letter penned by Einstein in 1954 states quite definitively that he believed faith in God to be a “childish superstition”.
As Dawkins would also remind us, this is not a revelation since Einstein made any number of public statements which should have made it abundantly clear that he did not believe in any sort of “God”. Still, perhaps all the hubbub over this letter is worthwhile since it seems to leave absolutely no doubt as to his convictions on the subject.
Now if only we could convince Francis Collins to read a little bit more Einstein, perhaps he’d be swayed by a fellow man of science.
“I’m feeling a little nostalgic for a time when we didn’t yet know how shitty things were going to be….”
This aired a month before the Iraq war began. I know this is old news, but I’m feeling a little nostalgic for a time when we didn’t yet know how shitty things were going to be, when we could only guess at it.
The language Brian Kilmeade uses perfectly sums up typical right wing belligerence; this kind of verbal obfuscation and unmitigated arrogance has stymied this country for eight years and contributed to a national inability to hold a meaningful dialogue with someone with an opposing viewpoint. Please note his insistence on the missing Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Highlights from “Real TIme with Bill Maher” Okay, we’ve got Janeane Garofalo, Salman Rushdie…and Rob Thomas?!?!
Lastly, the sound is out of sync on this but Maher makes some excellent points about organized religion so I’m going to post it anyway. For the record, Maher has always struck me as awfully smarmy and arrogant and I really hate those qualities in people; though it seems in this day and age that arrogance is now needed simply to stand one’s ground:
Evangelicals point to mutualism and say, See, proof of Intelligent Design. And it truly is a marvelous, even miraculous, thing.
But I firmly believe that things like mutualism is proof of evolution, that these beneficial associations exist because they have enabled these species to survive. Without the perpetuation of the species, there are no beneficial associations.
We can point to the shrimp and the goby as a success story, but if we look at the innumerable species of animals who exist or have existed, we see many, many failures. Unintelligent Design, if you will.
As with people, history is written by the winners.
It was AD 33 and a Sunday, as it would happen, when a true miracle occurred. Jesus, the son of God and the King of Kings, etc., came back to life and emerged from the crypt where he had been buried only three days before. Outside the crypt, he came upon a human sized bunny rabbit crying somberly on a nearby rock. Noticing the rabbit’s tears, Jesus went unto him and said:
“Hello Mr. Rabbit. I am Jesus Christ. Son of God and King of Kings, etc. Why, may I ask, are you crying?”
Sobbing, the rabbit said, “Nice to meet you Mr. Jesus. I’m crying because I was on my way to a party and I lost all of my colorful eggs. I just don’t know what to do!”
“There, there,” said Jesus to the rabbit. “Perhaps I can help you find your eggs and then you can be on your way to the party.”
“Oh! That would be so grand,” said the rabbit. “How lucky I am that you should have come upon me out here in the middle of nowhere when we’re pretty much just surrounded by crypts full of dead people and whatnot.”
Laughing, Jesus said, “Well, well. You are lucky indeed. For lo, I was only moments ago reborn after being pretty brutally crucified on Friday. So it’s some pretty good luck for both of us, because now you can be the first witness to the miracle of my resurrection.”
“Wow, Jesus,” said the rabbit. “That IS miraculous. I’ve never actually heard of people really being reborn like that. I always just thought it was some sort of metaphor. Or is that a simile?”
“No, that’s a metaphor,” said Jesus with a chuckle. “But no, in this case, it’s the God’s-honest-truth, pun intended. I don’t know if you’re aware, but my Father, God, happened to single-handedly create the entire universe almost four thousand years ago. In addition to the many other magical powers imbued to me by Him, I’ve pretty much mastered the art of dying and coming back to life. Honestly, sometimes being flashy is the only way to get my message to stick with these people. ”
“Oh, you don’t have to tell me about that Mr. Jesus,” the rabbit said, nodding. “Imagine walking around as a human-sized rabbit. Honestly, I get picked on SO much! Seriously, the level of intolerance is shocking.”
“Worry not, my bunny friend,” said Jesus somberly. “I’m going to do something about all the intolerance. My thought is that if everyone worships me as the one true God, then all the violence and intolerance will become a thing of the past. Then, I shall reward all these good people by bringing them up to Heaven in a little something I like to call ‘The Rapture’. Those who failed to understand my greatness shall, of course, be left behind to burn in a fiery pit of hell-on-Earth for a thousand years.”
“Hmmm. Yeah, I guess that could work,” said the rabbit. “OR, you could just tell people that they should be nice to each other, and instead of worshipping a God, they should just try to understand everyone’s perspective and work together to make the world a better place. Although, I realize that does sorta skip the whole hellfire part.”
“Yeah. I was gonna mention that,” said Jesus. “The hellfire is really my favorite part. It’s kind of the good part of the whole shebang.”
“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty, uh, dramatic,” said the bunny rabbit appraising Jesus with a newfound awkwardness and looking as if maybe he’d like to get away from Him as soon as possible.
“Yes. Thank you. I’m rather fond of it,” said Jesus. “Now, shall we find your eggs?”
“Um. Right. Yes. My eggs,” said the rabbit. “Actually, that’s okay. I think maybe I can just retrace my steps and I’ll probably find them right in plain view.”
“Of course,” said Jesus, the Son of God and King of Kings, etc. “Like when you lose your car keys.”
“Well. Sorta, I suppose,” said the rabbit. “Although I’m a rabbit, so I don’t drive. And also, I don’t think anyone else drives yet since cars have yet to be invented.”
“Of course,” said Jesus in a slightly condescending tone. “I tend to forget that not everyone can magically see into the future like me. But anyway, I digress! I must be on my way so I can tell people of my miraculous rebirth, but before I go, I want to tell you that hereafter, people will call this day Easter. They will celebrate the day in my name! And you, from now on, will forever be known as The Easter Bunny! Your legend will grow as generations upon generations of giddy children help to find the colored eggs that you are herein forever doomed to continue losing.”
“Um. Thanks?” said the Easter Bunny. “That’s real nice of you to make me a buffoon for all time. You’re a real standup guy.”
“Thank you!” said Jesus, oblivious to the rabbit’s tone. “And now, I will leave you, and hope that hell on earth is kind to you and your children’s children since, obviously, only humans shall be able to participate in The Rapture.”
“Right. Of course.” said the Easter Bunny. “I really should have guessed that.”
“Goodbye Easter Bunny!” exclaimed Jesus.
As Jesus skipped away to spread the good news of his highly improbable rebirth, the Easter Bunny shook his head and turned to retrace his steps down the path from which he came.
“Yeah. Goodbye yourself,” muttered the Easter Bunny as he went. “I’m sure none of that will backfire on you.”
Thanks to the “diligent” work of “scientists” intent on ruining all of our best yarns, now it turns out that, in fact, it’s most probable that Moses was high on powerful psychotropic drugs when he scaled Mount Sinai and “heard God” deliver the Ten Commandments. According to these “scientists”, this use of mind-altering substances was an integral part of many religious rites performed by the Israelites at the time. Of note, this particular scientist has also taken some of these drugs himself.
Citizens, I just wanted to bring to everyone’s attention a very serious issue affecting millions of people in the United States today: clusters of mute Christian clowns are going into nursing homes and molesting our old people.
Over at richarddawkins.net you can find an engrossing two hour conversation between the great minds of the secular movement: Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett, and Christopher Hitchens. What is particularly fascinating is how little they preach to the choir, instead spending their time dissecting many of the reactions they have encountered while speaking throughout the world. It is incredibly heartening to know that these four men are leading the charge to crack open our dialogue about religion. It is our hope that this dialogue will eventually find a way to stem the tide of pernicious violence and hatred that are part and parcel of religious dogma throughout the world.
Obviously as we move closer to primary elections, we’ll start to see the wedge issues swing into the fore. And yet, this year we’re hearing a great deal more about how disappointing the religious right is finding the entire stable of Republican hopefuls. So it’s not like the religious right is likely to be avid readers of our site, but we’ve got a nugget of info for them, and we’re gonna share it anyway:
Politicians have been pandering to you for eons. Many do not share your beliefs even slightly, while many more know your beliefs might be convenient during a primary election, but they’ll back way off once they get the nomination. Issues like gay rights and abortion are popular primary cycle issues, but since most registered voters live most of their lives without these issues ever truly impacting them, you should be suspect that the issues spent any time in the limelight at all.
We’re not trying to be cynical or anything, but it should be abundantly clear to every American that politicians have to appeal to a much broader base of people than their actual opinions could ever get them. For this reason, those who seek the highest offices, work tirelessly to make their message palatable to the largest possible audience. With regard to religion — which is the simplest of all manipulations — this sometimes means you conveniently become “born again”, and sometimes this means you espouse a “deep belief” which no intelligent person could possibly believe you truly hold.
Whether you’re a big fan of god or not, we think it’s about time you stopped letting politicians so easily pander to you with wedge issues that obscure the larger inefficacy of modern government.
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It was AD 33 and a Sunday, as it would happen, when a true miracle occurred. Jesus, the son of God and the King of Kings, etc., came back to life and emerged from the crypt where he had been buried only three days before. Outside the crypt, he came upon a human sized bunny rabbit crying somberly on a nearby rock. Noticing the rabbit’s tears, Jesus went unto him and said:
“Oh, you don’t have to tell me about that Mr. Jesus,” the rabbit said, nodding. “Imagine walking around as a human-sized rabbit. Honestly, I get picked on SO much! Seriously, the level of intolerance is shocking.”
Politicians have been pandering to you for eons. Many do not share your beliefs even slightly, while many more know your beliefs might be convenient during a primary election, but they’ll back way off once they get the nomination. Issues like gay rights and abortion are popular primary cycle issues, but since most registered voters live most of their lives without these issues ever truly impacting them, you should be suspect that the issues spent any time in the limelight at all.
