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Our Dogs Bark

I’m visiting New York. We finally get a seat on the express train. Headed back to Brooklyn now for some Pzizz naps before dinner.

[ Topic Ridiculosity | No Comments ]

My National Leadership Award

Due, I have no doubt, to my total awesomeness, this morning I was awarded the honor of being an Honorary Chairman of the Business Advisory Council. This dubious distinction has been annointed upon me by the National Republican Congressional Committee and my local congressman Tom Cole. How fucking awesome am I?Oh, wait. Tom Cole is actually a Republican Congressman from the 4th district of Oklahoma (where I’ve never felt welcome, I might add). Also, when you call, they play a pre-recorded message from good old Tommy Boy, and then proceed to solicit a $500 “donation”. Upon some diligent Googling, I also discovered others who have received similar calls. Anyway, the upside is that they offered a gavel and a framed certificate…which I gladly accepted. Who the heck wouldn’t want a gavel?!

[ Topic Politics, Ridiculosity | No Comments ]

Catholics are supposed to be less crazy

Thanks largely to George W. Bush, lately, we’ve had the luxury of reserving most of our ire for evengelicals in America. Sure, there’s a taste of crazy on every spiritual doorstep, but when we have to start interpreting government policies through a lense which includes “the rapture”, then clearly your esteemed brand of crazy deserves special attention. Of course, then, it is only at this moment that the pope comes out with a friendly reminder that “hell is a real place where sinners really do burn in an everlasting fire, and not just a religious symbol designed to galvanise the faithful”.

We have nothing more to say on this subject today except maybe you should go read some Sam Harris and leave us a comment.

[ Topic Religion | 1 Comment ]

feeling kinda gassy?

Of course we’re totally bi-coastal around this site, but since one of those coasts requires copious amounts of driving, we thought we’d ask the question: Is one brand of gasoline better than another?

Now leave us a friendly comment and tell us how totally environmentally awesome you think you are. Also, it’s birthday season, so a “happy, happy” wouldn’t kill you.

[ Topic Environment | No Comments ]

blog-a-ganza

Anyone who reads this site knows we’ve been conducting ourselves as if we were blogging for more than 10 years. That said, now that someone invented the actual word “blog”, things seem to have changed on the internet. Sure, the word kinda sounds like bad news during a lengthy bowel movement, but we’re not here to criticize information age nomenclature, we’re here to be joiners.

Soooooo….you’ll notice we’re up and running with WordPress, and we’ve got a fully functional comment system, so while we’ll continue with the same liberally slanted addresses, you can now weigh in with your own opinions. As for the rest of the site, all is as it has been and likely always will be, so please enjoy. Now go ahead, tell your friends!

[ Topic Ridiculosity | No Comments ]

Fragments of Once-Whole Dreams

There were subversive aristocrats selling high-end items to fund a revolution.

[One time I was talking in my sleep and told Shawn "If I were making a face out of fruit, I would use a banana as the nose."]

I dreamt about Laura…she and Con had made a magazine…it had orange and pink ink on newsprint type paper. I read it, thought it was great and felt proud that I knew her.

I was in a candy store. I bought a bag of gummy bears. I was eating all the “good” ones (there were black licorice ones, bleh) and was worried when Susan [played in the dream by former classmate, Susie Davis] declared that half the bag was hers. But said she like the licorice ones a lot and was happy there were so many.

Then, either I was Todd or someone else was but I was supposed to get”Todd’s half of the candy” [Susan and Todd are real-life friends of Laura's].  Apparently, I got “Susie’s half” by accident and it triggered some kind of Event.  If you ate her half, the Event happened to you.

The Event was a professional service that a person could order, like kidnapping your kid to scare him straight or arresting your friend as a gag, except it was a scary service, and involved a man/monster coming at night. I pretended I was asleep, because I knew there was a hired monster in my room. I felt his mouth on the front of my neck, loosely, the way hunting dogs delicately mouth a bird.  I made a screaming noise, trying to alert other people to what was happening, but the noise was too small and too soft. [It was truly scary, because I felt a real pressure on my neck. I woke up after that.]

There were subversive aristocrats selling high-end items to fund a revolution. Some woman had a box of silk scarves that an authority figure was dumping on the ground. He didn’t know that she had substituted counterfeits, sold the real ones and hidden the profits.

A gardener or some other service person was going to be arrested or taken away. He felt it was important to tell a child something to be proud of. He woke the little boy up and pointed to a white wooden fence like you see at the races. He said, “Do you see that? Your grandmother built that.”

[I think I got this last one from Harry Potter. The surname was reminiscent of Longbottom.]

I think the whole dream had kids from my high school in it, and Alvaro Demarzi. There was a report card with the grade and the place to write comments. I was trying to explain to someone how the grades worked but I kept forgetting what I was saying.  So I wrote down everything I intended to say, while the other person just sat there in silence.  When I was finished, I apologized and told him, “It’s like my mind is a tilting table. If I don’t secure the thoughts on paper, they slide off onto the floor and get lost.”

[ Topic Fiction & Snobbery, Short Fiction | No Comments ]