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Office Space

My place of work is a rich source of bitterly amusing anecdotes.

Today, i will describe some office phenomena that i like to call “repeats every day” and “it’s miller time!”

Repeats every day:

Every day, deborah and i order food from the deli downstairs. When one of the three delivery guys comes in, i have to say her name loudly because she cannot hear the door or see him, though she is only a few yards away. She asks “oh is the food here?” like this is the first time this has ever happened and she wasn’t expecting it in the least. Then she rummages around in her purse, gets out her wallet, shambles over slowly and stares at the bill for 10 minutes. Then she takes her money out and pays, never neglecting to tip 1% (she used to not tip at all). I over tip to compensate for her. The delivery guy and i share knowing looks about her making people wait for her sorry diva ass.

Every day, johnnie puts the green tea that her doctor prescribed as a weight loss aid in the microwave. Then she goes to her desk where she can’t hear the microwave beep when it’s finished. It continues to beep at 5 minute intervals to remind people to remove whatever it was they’d put in. Johnnie remembers the tea or hears a beep an hour later. She starts the microwave again and goes to her desk where she can’t hear the microwave beep when it’s finished.

It’s miller time!

Deborah spends all morning sitting in johnnie’s office, probably discussing some work-related items, but mostly chit-chatting about shopping and her philandering husband. She comes out and goes on a cigarette break. Then she goes back in johnnie’s office. Then it’s lunchtime.

Deborah, you sure worked hard today! It’s miller time!

Daphne spent 30 minutes this morning assisting the copier repairman by feverishly jabbering at him about god only knows what. After he leaves, she goes on a cigarette break. Usually she is printing out pictures of spiderman or the monster truck models that she builds. I know this because i see them on the color printer. Then she goes on a cigarette break.

Daphne, you sure worked hard today! It’s miller time!

(i guess “it’s marlbaro time” would be more apropos but that’s not a catchy slogan, is it.)

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